As Downtown Toledo Improvement District workers cleaned up the Downtown streets after the July 4 holiday, they found a copy of a movie script labeled “Breakfast Club 2013.”
The script proposed a reboot of the 1985 John Hughes film starring Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy and Judd Nelson. Hughes’ film focused on five high school students locked in detention for a full Saturday and how they interacted and exploded stereotypes (jock, princess, brainy nerd, rebel and outsider). “The Breakfast Club” has seen a resurgence in interest as it was an important plot point in last year’s hit film “Pitch Perfect.”
The spec script found blowing across the street July 5 updated the film with players from the 2013 Toledo mayoral race. It cast candidates Anita Lopez in the Ringwald role (princess), Mike Bell in the Estevez role (popular jock), Joe McNamara in the Hall role (brainy nerd), D. Michel Collins in the Nelson role (rebel) and Opal Covey in the Sheedy role (outsider).
There was no author name attached to the script; what follows are excerpts from the reboot.
EXTERIOR: TOLEDO, OHIO. ONE GOVERNMENT CENTER, CITY COUNCIL CHAMBERS. FADE IN: “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” plays in the background, a mashup of the versions by Simple Minds and The Barden Bellas.
JOE McNAMARA (Voice-over): “Tuesday Sept. 3, 2013. One Government Center, Toledo, Ohio. Dear Voters … we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole campaign season running for mayor. But do you really know who we are? You see us as you want to see us … in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, a jock, a basket case, a princess and a troublemaker. That’s the way we saw each other. We were brainwashed … ”
SHADOWY MEDIA FIGURE: “Well, well. Here we are. Primary Election Day. I want to congratulate all of you for filing your petitions and signatures on time. There are five of you here, but only two will move on to the November election.”
(Lopez raises her hand.)
ANITA LOPEZ:“Excuse me, sir? I think there’s been a mistake. I was supposed to have a chance to screen any questions we would be asked today.”
(Shadowy Media Figure ignores her and continues to talk.)
SHADOWY MEDIA FIGURE: “You have exactly 12 hours to reflect on your campaigns for mayor. To ponder the error of your ways. Maybe you’ve learned a little something about the city. Maybe you’ll even decide whether or not you care to return.”
McNAMARA: “You know, I can answer that right now, sir. That’d be ‘no,’ no for me …
SHADOWY MEDIA FIGURE: “Sit down, Joe.”
McNAMARA: “Thank you sir.”
SHADOWY MEDIA FIGURE: “Any questions?”
D. MICHAEL COLLINS: “Yeah … I got a question. Does Orville Redenbacher know you raid his wardrobe?”
(Outside the locked door, Michael Konwinski and Alan Cox knock and pound and try to pull the handle, but the door doesn’t budge. Shadowy Media Figure leaves the room. Konwinski and Cox follow him, trying to capture his attention.)
COLLINS: “Why don’t we compare credit reports again? We’ll see if the union queen is keeping up on her loans.”
(Lopez turns and glares at him.)
MIKE BELL: “Hey!”
COLLINS: “What?”
BELL: “If I lose my temper, you’re totaled!”
COLLINS: “Totally?”
BELL: “Totally.”
LOPEZ (to Collins): “Why don’t you just shut up? Nobody is interested!”
McNAMARA: “Uh, excuse me, fellas? We should just discuss our plans to create jobs.”
BELL, LOPEZ AND COLLINS: “Shut up!”
(Covey hides behind a Bible, starts doodling a sketch of an amusement park on the Downtown riverfront.)
(Shadowy Media Figure returns.)
SHADOWY MEDIA FIGURE: “What’s going on in here? I’m tired of being the last to know.”
(Bell and Collins snicker.)
(Shadowy Media Figure backs out of the room.)
COLLINS: “Hey, these chairs and tables were made by union labor. That means you should be standing, doesn’t it Mike?”
LOPEZ: “You know why guys like you question everything? You’re confrontational for the sake of confrontation.”
COLLINS: “Oh, you’re so smart! That’s exactly why I don’t play your games.”
McNAMARA: “I’m nor confrontational. I’m a coalition builder.”
BELL: “Yeah, on Council. How’s that working out?”
COLLINS: “We’re social. Demented and sad, but social.”
BELL: “You guys keep making noise and that Shadowy Media Figure is going to come back. I have a trip to Kazakhstan this weekend and I’m not gonna miss it because of you boneheads.”
COLLINS: “Oh and wouldn’t that be a bite … missing another foreign fishing trip!”
BELL: “You wouldn’t know anything about it. You never cultivated economic development in your whole life!”
COLLINS: “Oh, I know … and the Marina District is just thrumming with life because of your efforts.”
BELL: “You don’t have any plans.”
COLLINS: “Oh, but I do!”
BELL: “Yeah?”
COLLINS: “I wanna be just … like … you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and a motorcycle jacket.”
(Shadowy Media Figure returns.)
SHADOWY MEDIA FIGURE: “OK, polls are closed. All ballots are at the Lucas County Board of Elections. So it should only be 67 hours before we have unofficial results.”
(All candidates groan.)
McNAMARA: “So, what happens tomorrow?”
LOPEZ: “You mean, will we be friends again? If we’re friends now, that is?”
McNAMARA: “Yeah …”
LOPEZ: “Do you want to know the truth? I don’t think so.”
BELL: “That’s a real nice attitude, Anita.”
LOPEZ: “Be honest, Mike. If Joe comes walking up to you on Wednesday, what would you do? I know exactly what you’d do. You’d say hi to him and when he left you’d cut him all up so your friends wouldn’t think you really liked him.”
(Shadowy Media Figure returns.)
SHADOWY MEDIA FIGURE: “Bell, you made it. You’re free to move on.”
(Bell exits, thrusting a fist in the air.)
SHADOWY MEDIA FIGURE: “And the other qualifier is …”
McNAMARA (Voice-over): “Tuesday, Sept. 3, 2013. One Government Center, Toledo, Ohio. Dear Voters … we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole campaign season running for mayor. But do you really know who we are? You see us as you want to see us … in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, a jock, a basket case, a princess and a troublemaker. That’s the way we saw each other. We were brainwashed … But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain …
BELL (Voice-over): “… and a jock …”
COVEY (Voice-over): “… and a basket case …”
LOPEZ (Voice-over): “… a princess …”
COLLINS (Voice-over): “… and a troublemaker …”
McNAMARA (Voice-over): “Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club, 2013.”
Michael S. Miller is editor in chief of Toledo Free Press and Toledo Free Press Star. Email him at mmiller@toledofreepress.com.
